i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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