That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
