Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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