Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
