just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
