i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
