You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
