Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
