I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I cockslap morals
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
