the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
