When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
