Don't you send me to vm
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
