im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
