Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
