First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
