i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
