break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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