They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
