i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
