No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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