Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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