be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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