Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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