dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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