Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
