Pants 0. Shit 1.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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