the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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