A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
