This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
