he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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