i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
