I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
