how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
