am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
