I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize