you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
