remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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