playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so let's talk penis.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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