No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
