Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
