I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
