I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
two words: eviction party
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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