I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
