Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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