is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
