if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry about my life...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
