i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
3pm strippers are depressing
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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