Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
