Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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