Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
