Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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