Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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