i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
