so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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