everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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