i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
