We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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