Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
