dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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