just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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