Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
