i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
