I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
