my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
