Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
