I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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