We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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