it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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