You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Green mimosas i think yes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
